I thought I would update you on the Alfie situation. We found out that he IS a he after all and that the RSPCA were going to take him. We let him inside for an hour one cold, rainy day last week and managed a switcheroo at the door by passing him over Poppy so she didn't attack (or even notice, for that matter).
Anyway, we haven't seen him for two or three days now and assume he's gone to Llys Nini (the Swansea RSPCA centre). We were deliberating over adopting him but our landlord only allows female cats, so that was out.
I'd like to visit one day to see that little tongue again. Bon voyage old man!
In the meantime, we've been building a cardboard fortress for Poppy. It's rudimentary, but I highly recommend it for the amusement factor.
EDIT: I was wrong, he's still here! Here's a link to my second update: http://www.blipfoto.com/view.php?id=555932