We at Cat Party HQ have come up with a new feature we are calling 'Furry Tales'. Some of the more astute cat fans out there might spot a clever play on words in the title.
Put simply - we interview someone about their family cat or any other furry friend as long as it's in its dotage and has some stories to tell.
We are celebrating the lives of our geriatric fluffy pals and accompanying the interview with photos of the beast from kittenhood to catulthood.
First up is Al Sevs with her Cat 'Topsy', who currently resides in Stratford Upon Avon, and is 16 years young.
If you fancy having your friend featured in the next 'Furry Tales', email us: email@example.com. Fanks.
CAT PARTY - Hi Al Sevs, are you excited to be the first 'Furry Tales' on Cat Party?
AL SEVS - Yes but I'm worried, cos she's so old, she isn't as good as the other cats :(
CP - That's bollocks! She is great..
AS - She can't keep her tail upright.. she tries for about 2 seconds every time she stands up, then it flops backwards. She looks so decrepid compared to them, the other posters will "lol" at her.
CP - That's nonsence, old cat's are the best, that's why we're doing this interview, and besides... theres no 'lol' on cat party. Its more refined.
AS - If she was a lol cat I would call her Catford upon Avon.
Topsy's tail strength deficiency is clearly displayed here.
CP - Was she called Topsy from Enid Blighton?
AS - She was already called Topsy when we got her from the RSPCA. She had a paw print and her name next to her cage.
My mum said we couldn't have her and I cried uncontrollably for 3 days because I loved her - but little sobby tears not bawling bratty ones, so we went back.
Deeply involved in a game of chess against the sofa.
CP - So she's your cat?
AS - Yes, but my mum won't let me have her down here - she thinks she is too old. Plus she's bulimic, and she poos behind the piano.
She was sick in my room this morning, too many dreamies. She LOVES dreamies
AS - Cat treats, Duh? They are orange square pocket things.
CP - Oh I see, I use Whiskers Temptations. If Topsy was a famous person, who would she be?
AS - Joan Collins, cos she hates men. Infact I am probably the only person she lets touch her.
Topsy with her beloved 'Dreamies'
CP - Anything else we need to know?
AS - She's only had one friend, a cat called Maxwell. My brother and I made up a theme tune for Maxwell and they used to sit together until we moved and she got super sad. In fact, maybe she's more like Queen Victoria.
CP - Is she a haemophilic? Queen Victoria was a very famous haemophilic. Although women are only carriers..... She infected most of the royal lineage of Western Europe. That's their own fault for inbreeding tho.
Cat Party history lesson.
AS - She's not a haemophilic, but she's not very well at the moment, she won't eat anthing except dreamies. Oh and she'll eat ham if my mum hand feeds her it.
CP - What kind of music does she like?
AS - She likes classical music.
CP - Anything specific?
AS - Yes she like 'The Four Seasons' cos that's what they play her in the cattery. She has a heated cushion and they play her Vivaldi.
CP - She sounds like a very lucky beast.